Recently I found myself moody and easily irritated by the smallest things. Loud noises, simple questions, mumbling, incorrect speech, and other inconsequential things. After a few days of being in this mode, and condemning myself for the lack of love I exhibited towards others, the Lord broke in and reminded me of this verse in Mark 12:30-31:
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
The part 'Love your neighbor AS yourself' struck me. We love others as we love ourselves. It has been said, we can't give out what we do not have. We can't love others if we don't love ourselves. Simple, but deep, as my friend Maria says. If I am having a hard time loving others because I am irritated with their behavior, then in reality, I am having a hard time loving myself, and the person I am really irritated with is me.
As I honestly examined my love for myself, I began to see how I had been irritated with myself. I had been unhappy with my behavior. My self-hatred sounded like this, "I don't pray enough." "I don't wake up when I want to." "I don't read enough." "I should do a better job." I don't, I don't I don't. My unhappiness with me was spilling over in my attitude and actions to others. What I needed was a fresh dose of God's for me. What I realized is, it's ok to be unhappy with areas of your life that need changing, but bring those areas to the Lord with confession and repentance, then lean on His grace to change you. Extend that grace to yourself. If you do something you don't like, deal with it in light of the cross of Jesus. Then forgive yourself. As you receive God's love for you, you will find that loving others comes more natural. After all, "We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19).
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